You can and will survive this difficult time.
- Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph. D. “Healing your Grieving Heart when Someone You Care About Has Alzheimer’s”
CARING FOR YOURSELF WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE HAS DEMENTIA: A MESSAGE OF HOPE
Caring for someone who has dementia is both a labor of love and a challenge. While you spend so much time trying to find a solution, you may realize that there is nothing that will make it completely go away. Whereas you may feel like you're spending so much of your time researching and caring for your loved one, you may also feel like nothing you do is enough. The road through dementia is a long and sometimes difficult one, but there are some very important things that you can do to make your journey easier:
1: Be kind to yourself. Ask for help, and forgive yourself for not being able to handle this all on your own. Guilt can overwhelm you at times if you believe that you need to be able to fix every problem. If guilt is warranted, make yourself a better provider [and forgive yourself for getting off to a slow start.] If guilt is imposed unfairly by others, then know that you don’t have to get approval from anyone but yourself (Fourteen Friends Guide to Eldercaring, 1999.) Take the time you spend feeling guilty and use it for self-care, or to enjoy activities with your loved ones.
2. Ask for help. There are lots of great resources out there to help you through this journey. AlzheimersSpeaks.com, act.alz.org, ADRCInc.org, can help you find resources in your neighborhood and online that can guide you on your journey. There are many community resources out there for people living with Alzheimer’s and for members of their care teams.
3. Find a good book, and keep it close at hand. Books like “Every Day is Funday with Grandma Stella” are lighthearted books that can be used to help children and parents learn how to cope and act when someone they love has dementia. “Healing your Grieving Heart when Someone You Care About Has Alzheimer’s,” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. and Kirby J. Duvall, M.D. and “Dementia with Dignity: Living with Alzheimer’s or Dementia Using the DAWN Method,” by Judy Cornish are great resources to keep on your desk, with all the important pages highlighted, folded, and written all over. They are mentors in print.
4. Make time for yourself. Everyone tells you to put your mask on first, which is great advice. But, more importantly, make sure that you wake up every day knowing that your world is not just about getting jobs done, but about being able to delight in at least a few things that you enjoy.
5. Give yourself a few minutes every day to face the sun and think about all of the positive things in your life. If you are having a hard time, start by saying “Thank you” for all of the good things. Once you start, the list will probably end up getting longer and longer. When you think you’re done, say thank you for a few more silly things like your favorite color, a song that makes you smile, or a chore that you finally got done (or decided not to do.) You have to be happy to be happy, but you can ALWAYS be grateful. Whatever may be happening in your life, there is always something to be grateful for.
Make friends with feelings of relief...[they] mean that your heart senses a burden being lifted.
- Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph. D.